Taobao's Most...Interesting Valentine's Gifts

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On a whim, I typed "Valentine's gifts" into Taobao. And the algorithm dropped me down a, shall we say, interesting rabbit hole. Don’t worry, we'll keep it PG here.

I love you so much

I gave you crabs

This board game – which looks hilariously fun by the way – may not send quite the right message.

Instead, consider upgrading to lobster at the Intercontinental’s Full Love @ Ying event. Message Ajit using the QR code below to ask about staycation deals and keep the romance going all weekend long.

You're cute...

but your breath

A range of amazing health and hygiene gifts appeared including rose decals for your man’s beard because he’s comfortable with his masculinity. A facial yoga set, because what says I love you more than “honey, you look old, go exercise.” And my favorite, his and her tongue scrapers for the couple who wants to make out but ate a bit too much garlic at their romantic Italian dinner.

Might I suggest opting for a couples massage or facial at one of Beijing's many spas? Quality time and skincare all in one relaxing place. Alice Spa, Bohdi Spa, and Dragonfly Spa each have multiple locations throughout the city as well as options that fit a range of budgets including gift vouchers. QR codes are below.

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You said to think about

our future!

Yeah, but maybe not that far in advance. On the up side, these urns are reasonably priced. Instead…

...hone in on one of your favorite activities as an expat couple – traveling! These maps allow you to scratch off all the places you've been together and the scrapbook is a perfect place to compile some of your favorite pictures and ticket stubs into an evolving memento. At the back of the book leave several blank pages and write “I can’t wait to fill these pages with all our future adventures together.”

What's with

the mugs?

So. Many. Mugs. Most of which we can't share here given the family-friendly nature of our mission. I get if it’s a cute inside joke between you and your beau, but really no one likes tea that much. And even if they do try this instead…

...Nuo’s Romantic Valentine's Tea. Spend the afternoon sipping and nibbling, followed by an evening exploring Universal Citywalk right next door.

It's a pink skyscraper vase...

...right?

Yeah…everyone loves flowers but maybe not in this particular vase. Also, living flowers are preferable so…

Instead, order an arrangement or attend this flower arranging workshop from Studio Flowers. It’s child-friendly so your little one can make mommy or daddy the perfect heart-shaped bouquet!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Images: Taobao, Canva

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